“I get driven to the station…”

Isn’t it lovely how the other half live? As I was sauntering to Cannon Street I took a moment as always to listen in on the bullshit conversations that the sheep are having as I pass them by and the title is a lovely little gem I heard spilling from the lips of a woman talking to her companion as they walked in the other direction. She may have been talking about a bus but I doubt it and I assume that some sap drives her the two minute journey along the road to her station while she faffs about with her hair and her heels and her bullshit life. The trains are fucked due to “ongoing issues with lineside equipment in the Abbey Wood area” which I translate to “the local pikeys have stolen the copper cabling beside the tracks and have fucked us up again royally” and so the 18.36 pulled into Cannon Street at 18.39 and we are still sitting here at 18.46 which is just fantastic. Man who has sat opposite me is having some sort of disagreement with his phone that he is jabbing at and shouting at. Don’t get me wrong, I do that myself, but never in public as it makes you look strange. Of course, saying out loud that you hate people and they are complete fucking dicks is completely normal and displays very sane behaviour. Or maybe not. But I couldn’t give a flying fuck.  I’m tired from my date with Macklemore last night and I’m ready to get home and lay down. Leaving Cannon Street at 18.47 and I’m posting now as we will be inundated at London Bridge and I want my ipod to drown out the fuckery before they all get off at Westcombe Park. Laterz, Obborati.

Morons

I just sat and watched people run off the late running 18.30 to get onto the 18.37 which was scheduled and would be leaving later than the 18.30 – why? Most people get off at Westcombe Park these days and they both stop there so why the dramatic running across the platform to a train leaving after the one you are already on? I can’t understand such fuckery. I have got onto a train on platform 4 which I hope is going to Plumstead but hadn’t been announced and there is no news on board yet so I may be on a magical mystery Southeastern tour but it won’t be for the first time. Thankfully I now have confirmation that I’m on the right train and people have just run along the platform to get on the train further down – why do people do that? It’s empty so there is going to be space anywhere and you will just have to walk a bit further at your destination rather than being by the exit and when the majority of these twats get off they are ambling and nd texting anyway they don’t save time by being at the exit anyway. Time to post as we are due to leave and I want some music to distract from the seeming silence.

Marginally Rammed

Southern are on strike so it looks as though there are a few people who have the capacity to try and get to work on other routes and this means people down my line are inconvenienced yet again because of problems on other lines. Lots of really gormless faces staring at me today as I’m sitting in the aisle seat of a block of six and facing the doors. None of the nice window seats were available so my view is stuck staring at these mingers. I’m fully planning to spread out which is why I’m in the aisle seat as opposed to the middle where people come and enforce themselves on you and that isn’t ever nice. I’ve made a mistake today by wearing lighter clothes than I should be and I have bare footsies inside my ballet pumps – it’s fucking freezing. Oh well, at least I look amazing but then I always do. It really is non-descript today other than the slight increase in number. I’m going to post so I can tuck in and await the fuckwits who come and rest their asses on my shoulder.

Back For Good

Or at least until bank holiday on Monday. The wedding was lovely last week and the sun shone and it felt amazing not to have to get onto a train for two whole days. The journey back on Saturday wasn’t easy with no Southeastern but I made it eventually. I apologise for the lack of blog this morning but I had three weeks of gossip to catch up with with Debs so the journey was mostly cackling and moaning and sharing tales of Venice and Cornwall and the wedding. On to this evening and so far nothing to moan about really. Just the standard fuckwit talking on his phone stopping dead in front of me while I was trying to get down St Swithins Lane to Cannon Street and he didn’t like being told he is being a selfish prick but then they never do when they are in the wrong. A cyclist fell off his bike outside the office window earlier on today with a great scream. As soon as I saw he was with bike I turned my attention back to work. I’m going to have to keep this short and post as I’m balancing a tube behind me and it’s making me sit awkwardly and I now have a neighbour. Tomorrow… I promise.

Quicker To Walk

Every day when I leave my house there is a woman who has already passed my house and is half way along the road. She rushes by to get to the bus stop and when I get to the bus stop I just keep on walking to the station. Time after time I get to the station, look around to see if Debs is coming or someone else I despise and there is the same woman sauntering down the steps after waiting and getting on a bus rammed with bratty little fuckwits who are going to school. Where is the logic? Just walk and then you don’t have to get to the station when I do which doesn’t mean you have to jog from the bus stop round the corner for fear of missing the usually late train. The 7.31 was just leaving when I got to the station at 7.36 so I’m hoping my train which is somehow on time should be nice and quiet… Let’s see. Hmmm nope, not too quiet and we were delayed by fuckers who slammed themselves into the closing door for fear of having to wait ten minutes to get the next train. Stupid twats. The on board announcements aren’t working properly on this train – it sounds like the woman is periodically having a sock stuffed into her mouth as she becomes muffled and then clearer as she speaks. The good news is that the huffer seems to be gone for good as it’s now been three weeks since I last saw him. I did think he was just off for the school holidays but when I didn’t have to deal with him this morning I am now confident that he along with fold-up bike wanker have formed a coalition and get a different train together to fuck people off en masse and as long as that train isn’t mine then I really couldn’t care less. I have another short week this week and I am offline Thursday and Friday for a wedding – the wedding of the year no less and I shall be going to The Only Way Is Essex for these nuptials. Just to let you know so you can overload today and tomorrow.

Back Again

I had the dentist this morning which is why I didn’t bother to blog although there were still delays on the train at gone 10am but it’s never a surprise. I stood at Woolwich Arsenal listening to the insincere voice sharing news of delays on both directions. Typical fucking Monday for these cowboys but then typical for any day of the week. My journey home from Paddington was fun yesterday. No trains from Cannon Street and so I was ready to go to Blackfriars which would get me to Lewisham where I had to change trains again. Sadly the Circle and District lines were both closed yesterday and they are they only lines that go to Blackfriars which is really bad planning on the side of Southeastern. The week before I got to Paddington via Victoria which is hell as Victoria is always rammed and full of twats that don’t know where they are going. I got down into the underground and got stuck behind about a hundred fuckwits all bustling to get down the Victoria line when I wanted the Circle line – that was fun although my abuse was lost because none of them spoke English. Yesterday I managed to plan my journey which involved walking to Lancaster Gate from Paddington and then Central line to Bank where there are many steps as I’m sure you know. A lovely man stopped and insisted on carrying my case from the Central line to the DLR as they were going there anyway – I was so overwhelmed by such kindness at Bank especially as people would rather push you over than help. I was fully prepared to let everyone go in front of me up the steps and then go at my pace behind but thanks to the man I was saved. On to this evening and the selfish bitch above who is sitting opposite me and ladyspreading with her leg crossed and sitting at an angle and her bag is at her feet. The poor woman on the outside isn’t brave enough to tell her to put her leg down and to sit properly so she is sitting on half a seat and lookingoat annoyed. The annoying this is that before we got to London Bridge where the perching lady got on, the selfish bitch was sitting normally so fuck knows why she decided to sit like that as soon as we got to load up with more people. I cannot understand how people can be THAT selfish – she can see the other woman is virtually sitting on the floor. What a bitch. I’m biting my tongue here as I know the percher say anything if I open my gob and will probably say selfish is fine where she is. Fuck me I’d be seething if I was percher but then again I would have told her to move the second I homed in on the empty seat. People leave me raging.

Non-descript

Journey this morning was quite dull – no rows, sat next to bladder on a stick head and I didn’t even look to see if it was lolling. Evening train seems to be on time for the time being and I have sat in my normal area and had to skip round a twat and his laptop in order to sit down. He is using it as it’s name intends – on his lap – and it isn’t a Mac which is the usual choice of people who insist on working on the train. He keeps clearing his throat which is more than annoying and I will keep this brief so I can get the ipod out to drown out that along with the frenzied tapping that is happening as he emails and types shit that he should have just done on the office but for some reason he thinks he is getting paid for sitting on a train and he must do this now instead of at home. I did apologise for almost knocking the laptop off of his lap but I just got a grunt of disapproval as I had dared touch his shitty old Dell – it isn’t even an expensive one and believe me I can tell. Time to post as the train left on time and now we wait for a slot at London Bridge as they just aren’t used to trains coming on time and STILL have to juggle to get us all in.

Dopey Driver

Almost got ran over this morning when I decided to cross at the crossing while the lights were green for cars. I got half way, saw a car coming, stopped and then he was completely thrown as to what to do so then stopped, started again and then shouted at me… Sorry, what exactly was it that you didn’t like dear? I stopped, I motioned for you to continue and yet apparently this wasn’t enough? He was going about forty so had to slam on his antilock breaks and the look on his face. Honestly dear, don’t assume that everyone is as thick as you. I was nowhere near you when felt that you had to stop. What a fuckwit. So on to the train and it was on time – no familiar faces today and the huffer has been gone all last week and this. Having the misfortune to choose a seat next to one of those fuckwits who double up and curl their knees to press hard against the back of the seat in front. At first I thought he had a large bag on there as he was using them as a desk to read his paper but no, he folded the paper and there they are, pressing against the seat in front and at about the same level as my boobs so that just shows the selfishness of him and the woman in front is being battered and bashed every time he moves. Time to post as he is a weirdo and I want some music.

Monday Normals

Trains that are meant to be coming here are fucked along with a load more trains I’ve never heard of – any ideas where they are from? There is apparently signal issues and power problems between Grove Park and Dartford but that isn’t this line but as always we are feeling the pain. I’m guessing the train is going to be jam packed which isn’t going to be nice, and I imagine the heating will be blasting out as well and I will be a sweaty mess by the time we do reach London Bridge at some hour today. Train finally arrived at 7.45 and ball airer thought it would be a good idea to wait for the next one… Poor deluded fool. Me on the other hand have managed to get a window seat after a brief one stop perch in the aisle as the man spreading on the inside got off at Woolwich Arsenal – hooray. Window is now open and I’m sat opposite two phone zombies with another to my left now. Today is going to be such a shit day.

Fast Train Slow

Can someone explain the logic to me of sending a train that stops at every station down the line on time, when the fast one that picks up at the busier stations is behind it being delayed when it’s usually on time? The 7.41 is pretty rammed already and will get more so and I wouldn’t even have the chance to get the surely empty fast train as it doesn’t stop at Plumstead – what the fuck? The heating is absolutely blasting out and it’s hot as fucking hell on board with no windows open and as I’ve already said we are busy for the stop we are at. Ticket inspectors were at Plumstead both last night and this morning causing havoc by standing in the way and just talking a lot of shit about catching people when that’s all they ever seem to do – talk shit. Fucking hell it’s so hot on this carriage. Absolutely no need to have any heating on as today is April and spring is officially here. We need to have no heating like we do in the dead of winter and just deal with it if you do feel a tad chilly. I’ve had no huffer all this week so we will have to see what next week brings. I hope he isn’t back but he might be – we can of course hope that he has met his end with a cyclist. Time to post before I melt and my phone malfunctions…