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My Heart Bleeds

26 Jul

Finally last night a cyclist replied to me with the reason why he feels the need to ride his bike along the pavement. It is the same excuse they all must have on the tips of the tongues but I never usually get such a response from them. I had already seen him and his mid-teenage daughter almost take out a woman in a mobility scooter on the opposite side of the road – in fact the same spot where that twat ride past and hit me last summer – then they waited for the lights to change at the pedestrian crossing and come to my side. I was ready for them and after a lot of waiting he came up behind me, then went past me. She on the other hand got stuck and so he had to to wait for her near to the car park on the high street. As I drew level with him I asked him if he was going to use the road now and he told me “no, not today thanks” and of course this piqued my interest and I asked why that was and here it comes… “BECAUSE THE ROAD IS TOO DANGEROUS” and my bitch switch was flicked. I bombard him with questions and suggestions and the law and he really doesn’t know what you day, meanwhile the daughter stands there gormless and like a dead cod with her gob wide open. He eventually musters up “be on your way, be about your business” which enraged me even more – why the fuck don’t they ever man up, admit they are wrong and putting people in danger and just stop being complete twats? If the road is dangerous, do cars, buses, motorcycles and lorries come up onto the pavement? NO,  YOU FUCKING MORON. What sort of parent teaches their kid to be so thick? All trussed up in safely gear while riding along the pavement? If the road is busy, get off and push or leave your bike at home. If you insist on riding your bike then go to the back streets and the high street has plenty of them and they have virtually no traffic. The dormant organ inside your skull doesn’t need to be protected by your stupid looking helmet when it isn’t necessary for your day to day life. It is abused. It’s good to be back and ranting, my dear Obborati. I do hope someone else fucks me off to this leven again soon. Have a lovely day. 

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Reality Bites 

24 Jul

After 11 days spent with the Superhumans, I’m now back with the superfuckwits and hating it. The 7.34 was cancelled as if just for me, and I’m on the DLR. Almost went onto the wrong DLR as I’m now so used to going to Stratford International but I made it onto a Bank train and I’ve even got a seat somehow. Feels VERY odd not to be in uniform and to be back with the utter scum of the earth – selfish commuters. Newspaper on my lap from the left, far ass blocking out the natural light from the right and delusions of grandeur from every single face opposite. It won’t take long for my smile to disappear and the permanent sneer to return back to these arseholes. Spending time with the completely amazing athletes and volunteers has been an absolute pleasure. Literally thousands of just wonderful people to work with and alongside of and now I’m back here with a bump. Don’t even get me started on work… I must just take a deep breath, smile and carry on. Considering that I’ve been on a 5am DLR twice in the last couple of weeks the look on some of three faces at having to get one at 7.30am is hilarious. No, I don’t feel sorry for you because this is when most people go to work. I had done almost two hours of work this time last Monday. Being a volunteer has made me see quite how much I hate my job and how I want to change so badly. I guess I should start looking. 

Chaos? 

11 Jul

Line side fire between New Cross and Cannon Street and it’s meant to be causing havoc. I’ve yet to see this havoc they speak of. Train was “on time” as were all the other ones I usually see when I’m tracking this bad boy. It’s weird how the trains are seemingly normal when there is a fuckup that appears on the news yet can be completely fucked up without any notice. That is the mystery of Southeastern. I don’t understand it but then I’m not meant to. I just pay them for nothing and accept it. Platform space encroacher had a companion yesterday morning who waited for the late train with her only to get off one stop later. Always nice to get an insight into someone’s life when they have a companion and you listen to the utter bullshit they talk. Unsurprisingly I was right about her as she is as thick as shit. Anyone who chooses to wear thick black tights in the peak of a heatwave isn’t very bright. I forgot to say that I saw Debbie last week after months and the news was sad, reducing me to tears on the platform edge right in front of all my enemies. I don’t care though – they can see that I’m human. Bless Debbie’s heart. I had to turn away but couldn’t hold it in and started her off too. Thankfully she had some tissues in her bag. We soon cheered up and talked about the other stuff that’s been going on since we last saw each other and she had a few laughs which was nice to see. Only a couple of days left now before I’m off doing my bit for my country for ten days – there better be some sort of award for my selfless dedication to the cause (celeb whoring natch) and of course selfies for days. I am not looking forward to shifts beginning at 6am mind… I will definitely need an award of a lifetime supply of coffee for that. Time to post. I will catch up again soon. 

Reported? 

6 Jul

Many thanks to my Twitter troll for not only trying to get Southeastern to look at my blog and do something, but also for apparently reporting it to the police. I’ve had the most hits for a long while today. Hello to my new readers – Met police officers and Southeastern staff. I’m sure you will find it as witty as the majority of people have done in the last six years and your continued support means a lot. Now you’ve found me, you may as well carry on and even subscribe so a nice little email pops into your inbox every time I rant. It is ironic really that this moron wanted to report me to Southeastern seeing as he slags them off as much as I do, but for some reason bothers to do it directly to them rather than like this. One thing now I have learned over my years of Southeastern commuting is that they are a bunch of fuckwitted twats who really couldn’t give a shit what you think of them. It is a waste of time complaining to them. Anyone with a brain will already know this but there are some Plumstead people who have somehow missed this. I have now blocked the fuckwit in question and I already had Southeastern blocked from long ago as their tweets are pointless and insincere which is a reflection of their whole ethos. They really don’t give a fuck as they keep raking in our cash and the service just gets worse and worse. I wonder who he will move on to next? It really does tickle me when people are so irritated by what I post that they bother to try and tell me about it. I couldn’t care less – I’m more than happy to meet you and discuss your issues but if you prefer to sit behind your keyboard you don’t really have a leg to stand on. I know that this person will no doubt now be an avid fan and this can be his claim to fame – a whole blog about him. He will be sitting there at home with his mother reading this and thinking “she’s doing exactly the same – sitting there all mouth and no trousers” but what you fail to realise is that I DO open my trap to people that fuck me off and I don’t hold back. What’s the point? If I make people rethink their actions to make someone else’s journey a little better then what’s the harm? Have a nice evening, dear troll. It’s been fun. 

Laughed Too Soon

3 Jul

Platform space encroacher was there before me today and as smug as can be. Trains are all delayed and the 7.31 was somehow behind the 7.34 that was also late. Standard Monday morning with these fuckers to be honest. Eventually the train arrives and I’m stood next to her where I had been so of behind her as she only tears herself away from her massive phone when the train is stopping in front of her and I can’t be arsed to wait for that sort of time. So it’s coming and I’m waiting and it’s slowing and then stops way off its normal spot so I go to get on it and then it lurches forward causing her to laugh – no doubt at me – as she then thinks she she’s going to get on first. No chance, fuckface, it doesn’t take a wrongly located door to stop me from getting into the train first. It lurches, I catch the door up swiftly and deftly with my dignity intact and the smile is wiped off her grisly looking mush as I step on in front of her. She tries to outwit me every single day but she seems to forget that I’m smarter, older, more hilarious, far more gorgeous and of course more modest than she. Plus I don’t clear my throat like I’m trying to attract someone’s attention to look at the condescendingly. She’ll be gone soon, they always give up eventually. BdJ will be the glorious winner once again.