I Killed Lucy

Well, I can’t hold it in anymore and wait for the live show later – it was me, I killed Lucy Beale on Eastenders and let me tell you why. Back in April she started a late night fight with me on the train because she had her VIB on the seat next to her and I wanted to sit down after enjoying a wonderful evening out. She didn’t like having to move the bag and huffed all the way to  Walford so I got off when she did, followed her home and into the house, smacked her over the head with a music box and then she was gone. I stood and laughed, then I called Shaun Slater to come and help me ditch the body away from the house. I think I got away with it as I don’t even seem to be mentioned in the press associated with it which is good news. So I am on the 18.37 now which has left a couple of minutes late and I’m going to go home and let the drama unfold, all the while knowing it was me. The moral of the tale is not to leave your bag on the seat next to you because it hasn’t bought a ticket to get on the train. It is a terrible admission on my part and I know I shouldn’t have done it, but her vile attitude was the final straw and she had to be finished because of that bag. Happy viewing later, Obborati – we can discuss the fake killer once they have been revealed.

Barger

I was there first this morning – no doubt I was first as there was nobody nearby to my doors. The man who has faux chat with Posh Pikey arrived next then there were some other randoms who appeared just as the train did. I was next to the doors, stood to one side and the normal bloke stood to the other and random woman then decides to push right on board. No dear, it doesn’t work like that. She got on and started ambling to choose a seat. I gently barged her back and she stopped as she then knew not to fuck with regulars and soon she stopped and I went on. I ousted a VIB in order to sit down and then the moron owner needed to get up at Woolwich Arsenal to get off – why not just say you are getting off at the next stop and get up anyway? It’s fucking stupid. Then again he was fucking stupid as most of these fucking stupid wankers are. I moved to the window seat and then a huge dainty elephant came and sat on the outside seat as the seat in front didn’t suit her. Fuck knows why she moved as she is now in the way even more than she was in the seat in front and she is doing paperwork which involves hanging out into the aisle. Give me strength. Time to post as I’m melting – heating is blasting out and there really is no need for it – and I need some music to get me in the mood for killing people who fuck about at London Bridge.