Rammed Hell

I am penned in by a woman stinking of food fat on my right and she is touching me so I will stink like that all day too, and on my left is a twat watching something engrossing on his iPhone and using his generic headphones meaning we can all hear the shit. The train is fucking packed and I got one of the last seats at Plumstead so I can only assume the fast train was cancelled and we are picking up the slack from those stations. Friday is normally quiet but not today. The woman is stinking so badly and knows the people sitting behind so she is half facing them and keeps gobbing at them. I am posting now as I need to tuck my arms in. Manspread occurring opposite and he looks like a right twat… Legs all bent up like a fucking frog. Ugh I want to die right now. Posting.

“Talk to me…. Seduce me…”

It’s payday for me and it seems that is pretty universal today as the pubs are rammed and the people are jolly. The soundbite above was snapped as he strolled past me with his phone clamped to his ear while also having massive Dre Beats headphones also clampes to his ears. I actually cringed when I heard it – what a wanker? So we had some sort of thick liquid flurry at about 4pm outside work but I can’t tell if it was snow or if it was phlegm being projectiled (is that a word?) from the building site opposite. The amount of phlegm is growing daily now and it’s getting to look worse than Plumstead Highstreet. I thought today that scabby builders have now replaced rats in quantity and the saying should be updated to say that you are never more than ten meters away from a dirty, spitting fuckwitted builder than it being a rat. Come back rats, all is forgiven. I am surprised that we haven’t had am over dramatic email from Southeastern to warn of cancellations because of masses of snow tomorrow. They usually send it at about 3pm the day before… Not a sausage today. VIB arsehole sat opposite and manspreading hugely and he isn’t even attractive but he thinks he is. He clutched his prissy little man bag close to him when a man and came and sat down next to me but his legs are still agape and his face is still pained that someone came near his space. Fucking wanker – sit properly because nobody needs to see your pathetic excuse for a moose knuckle. He keeps looking out of the window all whimsically and in fact looking like a more tanned version of Posh Pikey – he has the hair, tweed, scarf, iPhone and mincey little bag. We are at London Bridge and he has only just moved his beloved bag when a man honking of chip fat has sat down. Ugh time to post as I want to look out the window and away from that prick opposite.

Jabbing Twat

Apologies for my absence yesterday, I was at home but now I’m back at it and ready to slay the stupid. First fuckwit on my list arrived at the pedestrian crossing at the top of my road before me by a good 15 or 20 seconds or so and all the while he was there, his scabby gloved trotter was jabbing at the button because he thinks that this is going to make the lights change more quickly. It’s so funny when they are in a rush like that, yet they wait for the green man to show rather than scoping out the actual traffic and making an educated decision of when is best to cross. Needless to say, I was skipping merrily along on the other side of the road by the time he had clocked the green man. The yoof of today – god help us all. I got the email as I was getting myself ready to leave this morning and I was thankful that my train wasn’t half its normal length but how on earth do these fucking wankers get into this situation where they are running two short formed trains within twenty minutes all the while there is mass carnage on the trains anyway because of the London Bridge fuckage? There are 12 carriages running in the daytime which are mostly empty – sort your priorities out, Southeastern. It is wrong. With the short formed trains will come the fatties falling ill be cause they will overheat. I saw that we are most likely going to be having some snow later today and that it’s going to be bitter. Funnily enough I was expecting cold this morning but it is quite mild. I am of course blessed with a brain but the morons aren’t and so whatever Carol Kirkwood says is the Gospel and they will dress up for the inclement weather. Give me strength. Time to post as I need a musical interlude…

“She just won’t shut up…”

Yeah love, the irony of that comment that you have to shout down the phone on public about someone else yet it’s you we are all thinking about. I couldn’t help but snort when she said it, as I fumbled for my ipod to drown out her inane bullshit. What a day? Finally told the motherfuckers at Webhelp TSC calling from 01709765330 exactly where to go. I missed a call last week, Googled the number and saw it was on behalf of Vodafone. Since then I have missed about seven calls from the fuckers and I have contacted Vodafone to tell them to stop, contacted the company to tell them to stop and reported them to the telephone preference service a total of five times now – FUCK OFF YOU WANKERS. The dopey northern bitch that had the misfortune of actually getting through to speak was put in her place and told she was not calling from Vodafone and that they have been reported to the TPS multiple times. I ran out of breath as I berated her and her fucking dodgy company. Go and look up the number and see the horror stories. It is shocking. Worse than mis-selling PPI to people with their free tablets and not mentioning the 24 month contract. I have told them before not to fucking ring me. Cold callers are the all time worse – get a proper job. If you want to sell, work in inbound. The only way to be a successful outbound cold caller is to lie and give a false name and I know because I saw enough of it going on in one of my previous jobs for a leading UK company. I think I might write to Vodafone to ask what the fuck their point is association with such a bunch of cowboys. In fact Ann Robinson the original winker might be better placed. So, after than rant – and trust me I am still incandescent with rage – we are moving on the train and it seems to be on time… We will see how long that lasts.

Rammed

Unknown delay meaning the 7.41 was delayed by about five minutes and the front end is rammed so much so that people are all standing already and there are very few seats at the back. The heating is pumping out and I do believe we will be halted before too long with someone falling ill because they have become overheated by insisting on standing next to the door with seven layers on and it isn’t even that cold today. Fuck knows why the heating is on quite so high – but then again there is only on and off available. I’m going to have to post now and I’m only at Woolwich Arsenal – we are going to be filled beyond capacity soon and I am going to have a fat ass in my face before too long. I hope this evening is quieter…. Fingers crossed, hey?

Newspaper Fuckwits

I can only assume there was a problem with the 18.20 as this train is busy and brimming with the usual man-spreading wankers of the 18.20 and there are very few seats available. I am penned in by one next to me flipping through his paper and then one opposite with his paper and his legs massively agape – sit properly, fuckwit. I am near the front of the train too so we shouldn’t be this busy. Woman just got on and stopped dead in the middle of the aisle to text. Been a lot of that this evening on my journey to the station, too much in fact. A lot of map readers of both sexes who have stopped dead to make the little blue dot on their map catch up with them and just staring at the phone instead of looking up for street names and their destination. I always forget how thick people are. I think we pulled out on time. The 18.46 was just arriving as I was briskly walking to get onto the 18.37 and it looks like they have changed get that to the new style train so it’s swings and roundabouts as to which one I get as both are uncomfortable to sit on. Picking up livestock at London Bridge and there are no seats left. Man next to me is now jabbing away at his phone as he tries to make a call – honestly a chimp would do a better job with that thing. Time to post, I’m done with the fuckwits today.

Ball Airer Returns

Woke up to the wonderful news above and debated for a while what to do – risk the train or get the DLR. I am sitting on the 7.41 and it was pretty much on time. Sadly my few minutes at the platform edge were blighted by the long time MIA ball airer and he was chewing like a fucking camel. I stood right next to him and so in front of him as he was stood with his balls airing and facing Abbey Wood. I stood as close as I could to block his pointless view down the tracks as he has done to me many times before. I even ensured that I pushed in front of him as he was faffing about on the edge of the platform – quick and the dead in this realm my dear. Posh Pikey minced down when the train arrived and had to stand behind us which is a lovely sight to behold. The trains seem to be OK despite no real time updates – how the fuck does that even happen? Just get staff to pick up a telephone and share the real-time information. Ugh the Gucci Rush honking orange women of Woolwich Dockyard have got on and are sitting nearby. One is chewing in the same way that the ball airer was and so I feel it’s almost time to post so I can get my ipod out. On the platform edge I just over dramatically heaved my scarf up over my ear to block out the disgusting sound. Here I can do the iPod. Time to post.

Too Late

I got the bus to the station this morning as one was coming and it was empty so I hopped on as it is cold today. Got to the station at about 7.30 – ticket inspectors were there, all stood around and gobbing off instead of actually doing any work, and then loads of sheep were stood in the ticket office instead of on the platform because for some reason they think that is warmer… Why? So I just storm right through to take up my place on the platform edge and there is a Southeastern employee crippling up the steps with a huge bucket of salt. Now, why is the bucket full and why isn’t he sprinkling it about so people don’t slip? They can’t even be arsed to spend money on some fucking salt to put down to stop people falling over. There were about one or two grains on the platform edge that I saw, but that was it. Fuck knows where he was going with the brimming bucket but it certainly wasn’t to protect themselves from being sued from people slipping over. How kind, hey? So I am on the train and it was a minute or two late. A little less busy than usual but at least it turned up today. The 7.51 must have been hell yesterday and I’m fucking glad I missed it. Fat wanker sitting opposite with his cup of coffee and his massive floppy hood pulled up over his face – as if someone that fat gets cold. He is leaving against the window pulling an “please sir, I’d like some more” Oliver face and rubbing his vile pink, puffy eyes. Funny how you can spot the newbies. Just realised that his bag is on the seat opposite him which is in front of me. Vile wanker – just move it. If it isn’t moved shortly I will be voicing my opinion of it and very loudly. His mate is sitting next to his VIB and I assume that he also has a bag on the seat. Friday fitty has just boarded but I can tell by the way he minced down to his seat that he bats for the other team. Shame, hey? Posting now as I need some music so I don’t have to hear floppy hood’s continual sniffing.

Hell Averted?

The 18.20 was delayed in leaving but it seems like the 18.37 isn’t as badly affected. No reason or excuse given for the delay mind, just like this morning with the 7.41 – it just got cancelled. The DLR got progressively busier which was annoying and culminated in mass pushing in order to walk around the corner to get out. I stepped onto the platform at Shadwell and was greeted with a huge puddle of orange vomit which was quite lumpy – someone travelled and got overheated with a hangover resulting in them parking their breakfast on the platform. Beautiful, hey? I am sitting in a normal seat again this evening on this shitty train but in a set of two rather than the set of four on Tuesday evening. I can’t stand ugly people sitting opposite and pissing me off. I can handle fuckery next to me – trampy looking woman who is perusing her purchases from TK Maxx and then pulled out a ginormous pink newspaper and reads. Who shops in that shop then reads the Financial Times? Baffled for sure. I’m going to have to post as I’m tired and want to stare out of the window and listen to questionable music very loudly.

Thursday Hell

Got to the train station in good time this morning but then that’s where the shit began. I looked up to check the time and the single word that makes me shudder was showing – DELAYED. I checked the national rail app and there it was confirmed. The 7.41 hadn’t even left Dartford. As soon as I saw that I was off and left all the zombie fuckwits stood there with their slack jaws on the floor. I am now on the DLR that is due to leave in about four minutes and it is 7.50 – when you got to go, you got to go. I am Shadwell bound to get the alternative journey to work which hopefully will be fine. Sitting in a seat next to the door and oddly this train is pretty empty. I got on it after it had pulled in, but there are still a lot of seats available. I’m not sure what people are doing to make this much space as before it would be pretty much full to seat capacity as soon as it pulled in. Maybe they have put on extra services, in fact I think I have read that somewhere over the last few weeks. Picking up the slack from the London Bridge mêlée. Looks like we are on our way but they haven’t actually confirmed where we are going so I can only hope we are Bank bound – there we are, the confirmation I needed and now to slump and remember my wonderful award ceremony evening last night at the O2. Highlights of the evening for me personally were The Proclaimers who upstaged Pixie Lott and then Thierry Henry coming to give an award. I’m going to post now as I’m being jiggled about slightly as we go through the tunnel and I don’t have much room as these seats are smaller than the ones that are on the other side of the doors. Perhaps I will get some NTA pics up later for your viewing pleasure.