Touched

This morning I made a train faux pas and that was inadvertently touching hands with a fellow commuter while trying to get off. I stood up, turned to move out of the seats and put my hand to hold on to the back of the seat as the train stopped to steady myself and my hand landed on top of a warm thing. It was Emily Watson OBE as she had managed to plant herself behind. I apologised profusely as it is annoying when that happens and she smiled and said it was fine. What a mistake to make? But at least she is a lovely lady who understands. On the 18.37 now and it is 18.37 and we are nowhere near being ready to leave. I have the back of the sears behind facing me and it feels like that pressure when someone has their knees up but they can’t do because it is another block of four behind. What the fuck is sitting there in order for them to have enough pressure to make my seat move forward? Perhaps it’s an actual elephant. People are now running in order to get on to the front part of the train as they seem to blow the whistles too prematurely now and it is a good two or three minutes before they close the doors. More whistle blowing and the doors have just closed now at 18.41 – what the fuck is making this train continually delayed? I still don’t get it. I also don’t get why the signal goes up and down whilst I am stationary on the platform. It is a real black spot. Sickening couple sitting nearby who are virtually sitting inside each other. I don’t give a shit about people being in love and showing their feelings but please do it in a less obvious way because it really is vomit-inducing. Saw another pair at the station who were talking to each other as if they were toddlers. Get a fucking grip. Baby talk is fine when you are indoors. When you are standing on the concourse at Cannon Street, dressed in your profession City clothing, don’t talk like you are a fucking moron. Thank fuck, the male of the sickening couple has now got up to get off at London Bridge – so that is a relief. Time to post now as I need a musical interlude to distract me from the fuckery of Southeastern for the remainder of my journey as I must prepare for a run in with the fifteen year old wannabe in case she decides to be wandering the streets alone again tonight.

“I’m 15…”

Wandering along the highstreet last night because it was a better option than the bus, and I chance upon something vile. It’s dragging it’s heels, as it stumbles along with its blue haired head down and it’s life focused on the small box of light in its hands. As I come to pass it, it lurches to the right and so I ask why it can’t tear itself away from its phone long enough to walk in a straight line and then it opened its gob – “oh fuck off you old bitch at least I’ve got a life” oh my God I nearly died. She couldn’t be more cliché if she tried. I stopped, turned around and looked her up and down – school uniform was all I could make out as it was dark and she had her hair all over her face. I had to ask why on earth she was out wandering the streets at such an hour and of course this outraged her “I’m fucking fifteen years old you fucking bitch” as if that is any justification to being out at 7.30pm on a school night in her school uniform and being in no rush at all. Once again I hooted with laughter at her and just left her with the thought that her mother must be so proud of her because she is such a wonderful little girl. She continued gobbing off but because she would have been overtaken by a snail, she was left far behind me to continue Snapchatting pictures of her minge to random men. What a charmer, hey? I did say as I left that I was very shocked she ain’t pushing a buggy. I am just astounded at the blue hair – who does that? Aaah yes, rebellious fifteen year old children. God I’m glad I wasn’t that stupid when I was that age. On to this morning and the train was delayed with no excuse given. Once again it looked as though it left Dartford on time but then was delayed at Slade Green – what the fuck is it about that station that makes trains so late? Lateness also means it’s rammed. I’m posting now so I can escape the bullshit with my ipod.