Weird and Weirder

Bridget Jones has forgotten her skirt

The sights I have seen today have worried me. Silly season is definitely here and the freaks are out in force. Picture one is of a woman who passed me this morning “yeah, I just saw it. The same dress I have on today in a dusky pink colour…” and as you can see, it clearly looks as if she has forgotten her dress altogether and just donned a coat, tights and boots. I was baffled. Just as she wandered away in one direction, the subject of picture number two crippled down the road towards me. She could not walk in the heels, and almost looked like a street walker on their way home from a long night of shagging – which would of course contribute to the crippling. I walked past the Occupy UBS building, who a few weeks ago advertised that they opened at 10.30am and today the notice read that it was now noon – clearly so they can all sign on in the morning before a long day of fuck all. I am on a bus, and have been for 25 minutes now and I am ready to kill someone. I now remember why I started walking to the station because it is much faster than this hell of going a few meters and then stopping again. Surekha is waiting for me – 6.30 was the meeting time, and I am still a million miles away by bus. Some girls got on going to their Christmas party – poor fuckers on a Wednesday night – heels, dresses and sparkles. They went a stop and a half and then gave up and walked, when their whole point was getting on to save their poor crippled hoofs. There are a pair of wankers on the back of the bus, who have their ringtones on high and take forever to answer. There is no need for your phone to be audible at all these days. People check them every three seconds, as they have the attention span of a goldfish, and so nothing should be missed. Or put it on vibrate. It is so simple but I always forget these people are fuckwits. I am now on the 20.51 from London Bridge – a short train but fuckwitted people wanted to get on the door at the very end instead of shifting along and using common sense. Huge numbers of suitcase wankers were waiting to board as well. Annoying but I am on and on a seat. Dinner was lovely – our annual Christmas curry and exchange of presents. Always love it. Continuing on with the pictures, number three is a strange collection of plugs and a U bend that was discarded on the pavement. I do not know why or how. It baffled me. Picture four is perhaps the most puzzling picture of the day – I presume an office outing, and all wearing silly hats. What a crazy bunch, and brave to be wandering about in broad daylight and sober. Picture four are the search terms – I am pleased “well maintained pussy” is there. I would love to see that persons face when they saw what it was referring to. Last picture is of our dining venue this evening – I said it is just like LA, the avenue of the stars. Surekha said “no love, it is LB” and it made me laugh. Prick on the train is fucking me off – another bloody ringtone. It is an American police siren with a beat behind it and he has shit signal as the phone keeps ringing after being cut off. Train is pretty busy, full of the usual commuting fodder – miserable and clamped to iPhones. The restaurant we went to was just full of men, I took a picture – there have been a lot of pictures tonight – but I suppose that is usual for an Indian as men, booze and Indian food go together like lungs and oxygen. A natural pairing. Train thinning out a bit now thank fuck, I hate it busy this time of the evening. It is annoying. Home, Supernatural and then sleep. Can’t wait. Am pooped.

End of the night shift

Plugs and a U-Bend

Twats in hats

It gets worse and worse…

Not quite LA, but LB as Surekha said

We were the only women

Sorry for the spelling mistakes but it was posted with WordPress for BlackBerry dahling.
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Bus Stop Wankers

London Bridge is busy. The bus stop is inhabited by fuckwits – no one queue but dribs and drabs. I of course go and stand at the back of the front drab as I am not a fuckwit, but other people just stood wherever. The fool at the front of the bunch behind me, who was there first then tried to push past when the bus arrived. I don’t get stupid people. Surely it is common sense to close all the gaps in a queue when the bus leaves that you don’t want, so you can wait nicely for the next one. The man at the very front of the queue looks like a right miserable bastard. I should have dropped dead by the look he shot me when I laughed with another lady in front of me. He must be looking forward to a very merry Christmas – just him and the massive chip on his shoulder. Silly old twat. Stopping to shop en route to work which pleases me, and the train being as busy as normal was a pleasant surprise as I thought it would be busier. My normal train, 7.41 was cancelled according to my 7am email alert, due to a train fault. Then I got another email at 7.47 saying it would run after all. How unorganised can Southeastern be?

Sorry for the spelling mistakes but it was posted with WordPress for BlackBerry dahling.
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The Wonders of Royal Mail

Cold much?

I went to collect my parcel today. I had to walk all the way around the permeter fence to get in to what seemed like Fort Knox (I am not sure if that is spelled right as I have never seen it written before) and eventually found the entrance, right next to the 24 hour McDonalds. I got in the door, heard loud laughter from inside the main building and my heart sank – a building full of fuckwits. This was confirmed when I was handed the parcel that was “too big for my letterbox” and that of course was a lie. They have rammed far bigger things through previously. I also noticed their Christmas opening hours – til 7.30pm every night and the card I got on Friday only had late nights on Wednesday which screwed me as I am dining with Surekha tonight. The opening hours were from 12th December and I don’t know why they bothered sticking it up at the bloody counter when of course that is too late. Fuckwit supreme. So I am on the 8.21 and who else did I see waiting – Kevin sans Perry. Lazy little shit. A melee of kiddies got off the train, and I helped a lady with a buggy because after all, I would prefer her to be off the train than on it in my way. This hindered my boarding and a fat prick pushed past as the people were getting off, and sat where I was going to sit. So of course, knowing how I love to fuck people off, I went and slammed my ample ass down beside him and squashed him. He is sitting grinning to himself out of the window, wearing bright blue and yellow massive headphones that clash with his carrot top, and although the headphones look expensive, I can tell you that they aren’t as I can hear his shit Blink 182 as clearly as I can hear Bry in my own ears. I attach two pictures for you – the first of my Age Concern temperature guide from last night. It is a good job I am not old (yes Hannah) as I may have shuffled off this mortal coil during the night due to hypothermia. The second picture is the state of the steps that almost made me slip when I was on my way to the Post Office place. It is the first time I have been down them and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. I wouldn’t have been surprised to stumble upon a corpse or a pair of chavs shagging – either are quite possible. If it was dark I think I could easily have fallen. Just glanced at fat prick who has his bottom lip poking out now in the style of Garry from Eastenders – the gormless look, and his music is still pulsing out. I can hear it over mine. I can’t believe that nobody has said anything to him and when I said “Jesus christ that is loud” as I sat down it went in one side and straight out the other. Lights on, nobody home. What a wanker.

Danger – tumbling bitches

Sorry for the spelling mistakes but it was posted with WordPress for BlackBerry dahling.
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