Laughed Too Soon

3 Jul

Platform space encroacher was there before me today and as smug as can be. Trains are all delayed and the 7.31 was somehow behind the 7.34 that was also late. Standard Monday morning with these fuckers to be honest. Eventually the train arrives and I’m stood next to her where I had been so of behind her as she only tears herself away from her massive phone when the train is stopping in front of her and I can’t be arsed to wait for that sort of time. So it’s coming and I’m waiting and it’s slowing and then stops way off its normal spot so I go to get on it and then it lurches forward causing her to laugh – no doubt at me – as she then thinks she she’s going to get on first. No chance, fuckface, it doesn’t take a wrongly located door to stop me from getting into the train first. It lurches, I catch the door up swiftly and deftly with my dignity intact and the smile is wiped off her grisly looking mush as I step on in front of her. She tries to outwit me every single day but she seems to forget that I’m smarter, older, more hilarious, far more gorgeous and of course more modest than she. Plus I don’t clear my throat like I’m trying to attract someone’s attention to look at the condescendingly. She’ll be gone soon, they always give up eventually. BdJ will be the glorious winner once again. 

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