Archive | May, 2017

Phone Snatchers, I Salute You

31 May

I’ve been meaning to post about this for a few days but the fuckwits got the better of me so now I can fully devote my rant of appreciation to the moped and bicycle riding phone snatchers. It was happening a few years ago and has become very popular again now and I can see why. The number of people who amble along with their phone in their hand unaware of anything around them and then BOOM… the phone has been snatched by a person on two wheels and they just stand their baffled. First rule of having a 500 plus quid phone is to buy insurance so if this happens you can get a new one. Second rule is to make sure you shit is backed up which is so simple these days as it is built in to the software – nobody cares what info you have so even of that cloud isn’t secure nobody is going to give a fuck but it means you can get back what is important to you. Third rule is to just put your fucking phone away and be on your way. If you need to look at something stop and stand to one side, checking all around you before you do so to make sure a stealthy stealer isn’t nearby and check the map or to make sure you are at the right place or that it’s the time you are meant to be meeting or that your train is on time. There isn’t really any other reason to check your phone while you are on your way to or from work. Nothing is that important. It really is simple but people don’t do any of this as the snatchers are still snatching and making money out of their stupidity. I hope this “crime” keeps rising as it isn’t something I will ever be a victim of as I keep my wits about me and never walk with my phone in my hand. I salute these people, I really and truly do. With any luck it might make people stop with this obsession with their phones. I am sitting here now on a train with my phone out to blog but I keep looking up around me to check out the surroundings. Like checking your mirrors continually when driving this is the same thing. Just switch off from the phone and look around you. Most times my phone is away by the time the train pulls out and I don’t get it out again until I’m inside my house. I don’t need to check it constantly. I am safe in the knowledge that is can wait. It isn’t important. I wish more people were like this. Maybe… Phone Snatchers will help. 

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Quiet Time 

31 May

Although I say quiet time, it is without the schoolie twats but there seems to be an influx of fairweather travellers and the one with the massive, blinding phone is here before me today and above for you as she’s stood right in my place with her phone clamped to her hands and seven bags when one will do. There is no chance that the shit in the bag on her right wouldn’t fit into the massive bag on her left. The normal bloke was there who doesn’t give a shit when he gets on the train as there are always seats but then there were a clump of four people that reminded me of the spider avodiers but weren’t although they waffled loudly in the same way and thought they were in the right place for the doors and weren’t – shock. Yesterday was a similar story with a rotund couple stood in my place when I got there – and I’ve had to walk both days I might add as there have been no buses to catch at the right time for me – and they were as irritating as fuck gassing on about their dull as fuck weekend. That walking is horrible as I have to do it at quite a pace and although it’s not too hot today my makeup is sliding down my face and if I touch it, it leaves a weird mark so I have to let it just slide. I’m going to post… I need to put my head up so it stops sliding quite so much as it is now. 

Silly Little Girls 

26 May

After sweating her tits off in the hoodie yesterday they both arrived with a few minutes to spare sporting pussy pelmet skirts and with the same shit hair as yesterday. They both decided to stare me out and shake their heads at me because, you know, they are as cool as fuck, and it made me wonder if they had seen themselves made WordPress famous yesterday morning. I doubt they are that intelligent but if hoodie one had decided to Google her name then she would have stumbled upon us, dear reader. Either way their days are numbered and we’ll soon be without them and ready for the next bunch of schoolie twats who will come a-calling next year. So many have come and gone and they all are as irritating as each other. Time to post. I want to prepare myself to not have someone pressed against me this morning. Sweaty arm is the worse. 

Ellie Bug

25 May

I managed to get a bus and on that bus were the schoolie sluts and today the penny dropped – unless I’m wrong in my maths – they are SIXTEEN. They were sitting quite normally on the bus which is why I didn’t notice them until they got up to get off. I walked in front of them rather than behind from the bus to the train station which is why I didn’t notice the penny dropping moment until after I’d taken the photo and had time to read what her top said. On the back of the thick, pink hoodie (she’s going to sweat her tits off in that today) it read “Ellie Bug 17 Leavers” so she’s called Ellie and she’s leaving school which was and she is 16. How the fuck is that possible? They both behave like proper kids and I definitely was far more mature at that age if they are sixteen. I was shocked as I pieced it together. It made sense though as you could see they had both made an effort with their hair although it still looked shit and they needn’t have bothered really. Obviously trying to look sexseh for the boys… Christ they’ll be knocked up before the month is out. Time to post while I reflect on the hell that is society today. 

Critical 

24 May

So here we are, all with Manchester on our minds and the terror threat is up to critical. To be honest, I thought it was on that already as armed police is part and parcel of mincing in London at least and has been for years but now we’ve been stepped up a gear and there will be even more. I must say I can’t complain as it means more men in uniform to look at ensuring that we’re as safe as we can be which is great. Sadly the terror threat has passed Southeastern by and service is normal and by normal I mean shite. It’s no surprise really, is it? New girl has taken to getting the train and standing inside me this week. She has the thick rimmed glasses and ombre hair which is what they aspire to look like and a massive iPhone which keeps blinding me when it catches the sun as it is as big as one of the panels on the international space station and I have given myself whiplash from trying to turn away before it melts a retina. Thankfully so far she’s respected I’m there before her and doesn’t try and push in but we’ll see how that pans out as she becomes a regular. Still no Debs and I’m more worried now. It’s been four or five weeks since I’ve seen her again. I hope she is OK and her husband is also OK. Train is strangely busy today – busy as in less seats to choose from but still seats – and I’m not sure why. Usually when there is any sort of terror threat lazy people take this as an excuse to claim they are too petrified to leave the house for work and instead skip off to a beer garden and fuck it all off. Today is different. Oh well, at least we’re here standing together against the small minded scum who insist on trying to break us. You picked the wrong people to fuck with, for sure. Time to post. I’m out with the duchess this evening.