SO Rude

2 Feb


So a chink in the armour of fold-up bike wankers everywhere has been found and we can now exploit. Picture it; I am trying to get out of Sainsburys on Cannon Street as their selection of fresh produce was horrific and I will now be forced to go to the Co-op. So this high vised fold-up bike wanker is leaving the shop with said fold-up bike which is folded and he is wheeling it along as if it is a fucking wheel barrow as it is clearly something he has spent a lot of his money on and it is more expensive than the usual shit fold-up bikes you see being carried. He is obviously taking his time and I can never be arsed being held up by slow self-involved people so I ask him “is that a wheel barrow or a bike mate?” to which he spat out the plum in his gob and replied “you are very rude” to which I responded that he is offending me for being with a bike – no more needs to be said in a situation like that. Push your bike out of the way faster or just sell it on eBay because you clearly aren’t a seasoned cyclist with the ready abuse and middle finger salute to reply to my question just gagging for a bite. On the 18.37 that has arrived at 18.34 so we will be late but not too late or so the theory goes. The 18.30 has only just pulled out so there is marginal fuckage but nothing we aren’t used to. Saw a badly dressed excuse for a human, resembling a hefty street walker with bare legs and a pussy pelmet mincing around Liverpool Street at lunchtime when I went for a walk. She is above for you to see. You can’t really get the full hefty effect as I saw when she was walking towards me which was a lot worse than when captured in a still image but you get the general gist. It wasn’t pretty and those legs were virtually blue from the cold which again wasn’t pretty. Bare legs in February on a windy day with a flippy skirt – she was just asking for an unfortunate gust to enable everyone to see her fanny, wasn’t she. Time to post so I can shoot evils at the woman opposite who is typing on her iPhone 4 with her pinky finger out while resting on her Mulberry bag and huffing a lot. She huffed when someone asked her to move her carrier bag from the seat next to her so they could sit down. She took so long with the huffing that the person just fucked off and sat elsewhere and now the tiny and seemingly empty carrier bag is on the floor by my feet so I will ensure that I kick the shit out of it before the journey is out. I predict she gets off at Greenwich or Westcombe Park as she is either a Greenwich real deal or a Greenwich wannabe – either way she is a twat. Update – she is still there which is why I am yet to post. I’m never usually wrong unless she was so engrossed in her jabby fingerings that she missed her stop. Next stop Plumstead – she can’t possibly be as classy as me, can she?



One Response to “SO Rude”

  1. Kelly February 2, 2016 at 7:37 pm #

    You have made my day. Continue please…I feel like we are living a parralelle life…

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