Early Benny

18 Jun

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Fuck knows why he is pacing up and down the platform but he is. If he tries to tell me to stand behind the yellow line then a torrent of abuse will be tripping off my tongue… He has now disappeared into some sort of cove further along the platform so that as worthwhile. That fucking wanker bus pusher was there in the wrong place again this morning but I saw him today and just let the idiot get on – the hilarity is that he goes upstairs so it wasn’t like he was pushing me to get the last seat downstairs that he could see. It wasn’t nice to see him though as he should have been finished off by a cyclist before midnight last night – maybe tonight. On the 7.41 that was on time. That fat massive bloke and his drippy – and fat although I didn’t notice when she had on coats galore when I last saw her when it was cooler – partner. The two of them taking up four seats with their asses and then a VIB for good measure each. What a fucking state they both look and you can bet your bottom dollar that they stink. He is the one that I wasn’t sure if it was male or female… And to be honest, it still could be either. Have the misfortune to be next to a builder in once-grey tracksuit bottoms and are now brown with dirt and filth… Thankfully he doesn’t smell though like that pair over there. He is sitting as all men do, with his legs agape and now holding his phone in the place where his penis would be if he was naked. Phone is a cheap Nokia model and so we can safely assume that his iPhone – as you know that is what he had before – was smashed on a night out with da ladz and now he has to use this phone as he doesn’t have insurance. It’s so obvious… Why can’t these people have any mystery about them? Orange woman is getting on at Woolwich Dockyard and I bet she’s annoyed I’m sitting next to her perfect man. Someone’s phone just went off ans the drippy woman made sure she eyeballed everyone on board to show that she had heard it. She’s more of a nosey bitch than I am – how dare she? She keeps shooting me looks as if she thinks she’s more amazing than me… Um no dear, you are shagging Jabba the Hut which is an instant 1000 point deduction taking you into a negative total. Man to my left on the other side of the aisle keeps sniffing and it’s fucking annoying so I’m going to get the ipod put to drown out that sound before I drown in snot. Vile.

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