24 Hours of Fuckwittery

2 Oct


Jesus it’s been tough since I last posted. The train was rammed. The bus had a lovely man who told me that it was lucky that I was a woman (yes he was or I would have punched his fucking face before he had a chance to even know what day is was) and all because I had to squeeze past him as he didn’t think to move out of the way. The usual “look at the size of you” comments were made and as always I reward them for being so observant. What a fucking wanker going on and on – shut up, don’t stand in the fucking way texting and use your eyes. Funny how he can notice the size of me but was unaware that the laws of physics meant there wasn’t enough room for me to get past and he had the cheek to call me stupid. It was hilarious. There was no post yesterday evening as I went to see my good friend Lindsay Lohan in her play – it wasn’t too bad but lines are all very passionate and so I can totally see why she keeps forgetting them as they are all a jumble – and then I got the 21.32 train from Charing Cross to Woolwich Arsenal. On board there was hipster – you know the type with his stupid slicked back hair with a huge quiff, stubble, thick rimmed glasses, checked shirt that was all tight and buttoned to the very top and them skinny jeans and pumps. He had a bike with him and that bike was propped up next to the four seats he and his snooty companion were occupying and that bike was blocking the aisle. He didn’t give a flying fuck. He sat there holding it as people tried to squeeze past it – much like me and the fuckwitted man on the bus that morning – and he didn’t even attempt to move it to let people through. He had his VIB next to him too and was sitting on the inside seat so it wasn’t poking into him. He even had the wheel blocking the woman in who was sitting in the seat behind him. A woman who wasn’t able to stand very well was helped on at London Bridge and they spotted the empty seat and then spotted the bike. She had to go and sit somewhere else and her wheelchair – yep, he didn’t even move it for a person with a disability – was dragged along and put somewhere else. Thankfully I had a companion who got on at London Bridge and we immidiately started bitching about the man and his bike. Bitching very loudly and it was most amusing when my new friend said that the bike owner looked like one of the Proclaimers and he was spot on. We just sat and biched loudly all the way to Lewisham and this sadly was where my new friend got off the train. This is also where a lot of people usually get off the train as it is an interchange and this is where this bike prick thought it was a good idea to move. He had heard every word we had said quite clearly but had chosen not to even acknowledge it and just mocked the words to the snooty bitch sitting opposite him who had her earphones in. The most hilarious thing was the way he chose to move this bike to the doorway after we left Lewisham so that it was out of the way. It was as if he was moving sticks of dynamite and I couldn’t help but mock the motherfucker back “Oooh careful – you don’t want to damage the precious bike mate” and once again ignored. What a selfish fucking wanker though. At least 15 people had to squeeze through the gap and he didn’t even bat an eyelid unless the bike was affected. I hope he dies. Posh Pikey is behind me pumping out disco tunes now on the 7.41 – sounds like Salt n Peppa which is really cringe – and Emily Watson has got on with her kids. Finally got a good picture of her and that is above for your viewing pleasure. Until this evening.


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