Bragger

28 Aug

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Aside from the usual same old shit different day that I know we are all very bored of now, I thought it was high time to share a snippet from what has become my daily work life and we shall call her Bragger. She has been there about four months now and as each day goes by, I despise her more and more. She isn’t part of my company but shares our open plan office space and I wish she would drop dead because then we wouldn’t need to hear her gob ever again. You may remember before that I moaned about the man with Tourettes but he repeatedly cleared his throat over and over again. This is far worse. Nothing that spills from her mouth is relevant or necessary. She brags all the time – she got married in Chelsea and her mother in law lives in Chelsea don’t you know… Does she think we care? If you have a story about something she will have a better one, you know the type. She speaks about her self continuously throughout the day. She likes to bait her coworkers with a statement, today for example was her saying out loud that the Eurostar ticket prices had finally come down. Nobody batted an eyelid but she was expecting a question about where she was going. Only one of her people were there and so she then spent the next five minutes talking at him telling him how it is actually faster to get the Eurostar than it was to fly to Amsterdam – like he cares. He is too polite to tell her to shut up so he can get on with his work. He just nodded and smiled and agreed in the right places and she went on and on and on. This is a daily occurrence where she makes a statement expecting someone to engage with her and more often than not now, nobody gives a fuck and responds but she still goes on and on. She is meant to be a hot shot sales person or so she keeps saying. She has yet to close a deal. Apparently she knows directors of this company and that company – she name drops all day long – and has had meetings with this one and dinner with that one and on and on she goes. She likes to also brag about companies she used to work for – all big names but I don’t think she realises what a dickhead she sounds saying all that when now she works for a company that nobody has heard of and it is so dodgy that it keeps having to change its name. She really thinks she is something; she never says good morning when she comes in to anyone but her own people despite having to pass others, and everyone else she works with is really nice and friendly and says hello and has a chat. She is the same when she has to leave as well and just puts her head down after saying goodbye to her people before clumping out the door with her nasty heels – these must show that she is important. As I said, she has never sealed a deal, but she likes to keep her peers on tenterhooks by ensuring that each and every email that she gets about this big deal she is trying to close is read out loud as many times as is necessary to ensure that even on cleaner knows what is going on. She doesn’t read the important bits, or paraphrases it she reads it all, including the greeting and the fucking signature. It is so blissful when she has to leave the office for a meeting because the whole atmosphere changes. I stop gritting my teeth, unclench my fists, stop rolling my eyes and have a chance to concentrate and then everyone else I’m her area gets a chance to be heard. When she isn’t there they have a laugh and a joke but when she is there it isn’t the case because she just kills it with some shit story about herself. I think I will post now. The picture was of the email that I got earlier on but the train was announced at 18.31 and left on time so fuck knows what happened there. I will save some more Bragger news for another day.

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