Law Breaker

15 Jan


This fat slag has been puffing away in that position every day I have been here this year. Smoking ban came in in 2007 and yet she missed it, and she must be deaf as she can’t hear the daily announcement that booms over the intercom here at the station. Every single day she thinks it’s fine to go and stand there, light up and smoke as she strolls about. She mustn’t think that that area is included in the smoking ban, but she must know that as soon as you step into railtrack property, that is a public space and therefore you can’t light up you pikey slag. I was here very early today as I got the bus which was empty and it made me happy. Anyway and on to the train and guess who I have inadvertently sat next to? Clue is that she is a mingrat and I will be covered in cheap face powder before the journey is out. Yes, it is Oompa Lumpa and she is travelling alone today and sitting in a single seat. Miserable face and scrolling through pictures on her shit phone. Massive bun atop her head in the style of that one who got caught smuggling cocaine out of Peru and with the same sallow skin. I wish I hadn’t sat here but I can’t move now as it would look odd. Below is a sight that I saw yesterday morning but forgot to get a picture of it. It was dumped by a bin at the end of my road and all I could think of was that scene from The Shining where Jack comes through the door with an axe. Someone must have had a very merry Christmas. Train is home to a group of four hipsters this morning who strolled down to the platform with their 39p Red Bull alternative and one had hair cut like BA from the A Team. Attention seeking fools. They are now sat behind me and having a loud conversation that they hope sounds intelligent but they just sound like a load of twats to me as I am highly intelligent. Oompa Lumpa is cold this morning again. I wonder if I will be asked to get up and close a window for Princess Orange before the journey is over. She has just got her massive make up port manteau out and is foraging for the correct shade of orange and a trowel to layer it all on. Heavy breathing has begun now as she concentrates to get it all done before she reaches Cannon Street. Fuck this shit, I can’t take it anymore. Time for my ipod and then to ensure my right arm isn’t the colour of a tangerine when I get off the train.



Leave a reply if you aren't going to moan about Greece

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s