Spooky Bollocks

31 Oct

I haven’t seen anything spooky yet but I thought as it is the day of spook that it is only kind to make reference to it. I can currently smell something vile though – halitosis and coffee breath and I an sitting with my ass half off the seat as his coat pocket is taking up the majority of the seat. Legs spread, reading the paper, coffee is his right hand and no doubt an iPhone nestling next to his well-aired testicular area. The epitome of everything I hate right there is one person. Oh now he is sniffing and snorting back snot too. What a keeper, hey? I might drop my knickers now in order to secure him. It is a drizzly morning today and because I was for most of yesterday I have worn more layers today. The train last night had two windows open in my bit and I wasn’t near any of them to close them and I had been chilled to the bone on the hour bus journey in the morning and never recovered. Bloke next to me has now pulled his coat pocket out from under my ass and did it in a way that blames me rather than him. We all know the truth. He is a fuckwit and I am a demi-god. It is a no brainer really. He is breathing through his mouth as his nose is blocked and the disgusting breath is making my eyes bleed. Proper honking as if he has spent the evening creasoting his tongue and dabbling it in piles of dog shit. I do hope he gets off before me so I can get my ass sitting on the seat properly. He keeps getting twitchy at each stop but that can only be because he is a fuckwit. I am going to post. I need the ipod to drown out the sound of his snorting.

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